Talk to different professionals, medical, research, anthropological, biochemical and psychological, and you will get different answers about the causes of depression. Even the “chemical imbalance” theory is suspect, although it is the most common, because research now shows that brain chemistry can be influenced by changes in thinking, behavior, and self-awareness; which makes it a “what comes first” question.

It is very common for people to say that they are “depressed” when they are overwhelmed or upset, but true clinical depression is a different condition. It appears in cycles, often seasonal, and has specific triggers. Some depression, such as postpartum (after giving birth) Depression is partly situational (caused by feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenthood, the stress of losing sleep, etc.) and hormonal (as a result of hormonal changes). This varies widely, and the definition of who is considered depressed also varies greatly.

Any situation in which expectations are unrealistic can be considered a “” preparation “for disappointment, which some people experience as depression. If there is an underlying belief that” I do not deserve happiness, “then the common difficulties of developing a New relationship after marriage will be considered a disaster and may result in depression.

Most couples experience some kind of disappointment and worry that their relationship will not work out. Whether they react to that disappointment by going into depression depends on the individual.

Men react more often to difficult life experiences by becoming depressed, because they feel less comfortable expressing their feelings, so their disappointment and pain is compacted into a feeling of despair and depression. Men are also more prone to depression and other mood disorders, in part because they try to “resist” and are less likely to have or use support from family and friends.

Women are more likely to have a hormonal component to their depression, which can alternate with the menstrual cycle. Women will express their emotions more, have family and friends to talk to, and therefore often avoid depression.

In my experience, I find that the tendency to get depressed is largely the result of learned behavior and a belief system that focuses on hopelessness. In my office, people who are depressed often express hopelessness and the feeling that they cannot take charge of their own lives. When that belief system changes, there is no longer depression. Depression is also cyclical in nature, which could be the result of genetics, but no one knows for sure. Situational depression is experienced when people are deeply hurt, disappointed, or have experienced great loss or a tragic situation. This type of depression works gradually and can be overcome. Symptoms of depression include lack of energy, perhaps not being able to get out of bed, withdrawal, avoidance of intimacy, lack of communication, and feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness to solve life problems. But for people to keep going through this by working hard, but living a colorless life with a feeling of emptiness.

Studies show that depression responds best to a combination of antidepressants and cognitive / behavioral therapy. If the depression is severe, inpatient treatment in a facility that provides behavioral conditioning is the most effective. If you think a loved one is depressed, don’t try to make a diagnosis. You can point to any behavior you are noticing and say, “I see you cry a lot (or sleep too much, hide, or don’t want to talk) and I think that indicates a problem.” If a loved one is counseling with you, the therapist can diagnose depression and make recommendations; without making you feel criticized, as you would if you said it was depression. Counseling will also help you handle situations more effectively and help you avoid creating more drama and dysfunction in the relationship.

Americans tend to look for the quick fix. It seems easier to take a pill than to fix the problem. But the side effects of antidepressants are no joke. Research shows that the most effective treatment for depression is cognitive behavioral therapy, in combination with mild antidepressants. Drugs don’t fix depression; they lift the spirits to facilitate the resolution of emotional problems.

Depression affects both emotionally and physically not only the affected individual, but also the spouse and family. Here are some of the many steps you can take to help your loved one survive and thrive.

How to help a loved one with depression:

1. Understand the diagnosis and what it means Take your loved one to medical appointments so you understand what the doctor says. A depressed person may not fully understand what the doctor is saying. For additional support, look online for special interest groups focused on illness, such as those sponsored by Mental Health America (MHA) or the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), that are geared toward meeting the needs of people with depression. . While depression support groups are not psychotherapy groups, they can provide you with a safe and accepting place to vent your frustrations and fears and receive comfort and encouragement from others. You will learn a lot from those who already have experience.

2. Help your loved one do what the Dr. says, but don’t take over Depression management is a big adjustment, so help your loved one remember to take medicine, keep dr. appointments and doing any exercises, home medical procedures or other personal care processes. However, make sure these things remain the responsibility of your loved one. Both of you will feel better if you are supportive, not paternal.

3. Take good care of yourself. Caring for a depressed spouse is exhausting, so you need to take more care of yourself as well. Use all the help available from health insurance, family and friends. Arrange for other people to be available to give you a break, and don’t feel bad about leaving on your own once in a while – you need it.

4. Keep your connection, friendship, or romance alive Find all the ways you can to let others know that you care about each other. However, you may have to adjust your social and intimate life, please do so. Do everything you can to keep your connection alive within the confines of illness. Have as much fun as you can, whenever you get the chance. Make it a challenge to discover new ways to enjoy each other and to relax and laugh together.

My most recent book, How to Be Happy Partners: Working Together, shows how to have successful conversations with your partner on difficult topics and how to work together to help each other through emotional problems.