She sits you down. Break up with you. When the smoke clears, that’s when he murmurs that dreaded phrase that no one wants to hear:
“Okay, we can still be friends …”
She friend. That’s what you are to her right now. You went from being as close and intimate as possible to two people, and in the span of a single day, your ex suddenly wants nothing more than to be your friend.
You will hear a lot of people tell you that they ‘remained friends’ with an ex after the breakup. Hell, you might even see some of them hanging out. But that is superficial. This is how things seem to be. Actually, however, understand this:
YOU CAN’T BE FRIEND WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND
You don’t want to either. Because in any ‘friends’ situation with an ex, a person always loves the other person more. There are always unrequited feelings when it comes to breaking up, because every breakup has a winner and a loser. FOREVER.
It’s always funny when you hear someone talk that a breakup is “mutual.” This is an absolute bull, no matter who throws it up. Even if the couple is bad for each other, even if they broke up through constant fights, in the end, there is always ONE person who says “Hey, this is over”, and the other person had to sit down and pretend they were according to him, when in reality, that was the furthest thing from the truth.
How to handle being on the losing end of the breakup
Alright, now that you’ve realized yourself as the ‘dumpee’ and your girlfriend as the ‘dumper’, you can move on to what you really want: to get your relationship back again. This is something you can only accomplish once you’ve accepted that your relationship is finally over, and haven’t tried to drag her through some silly “let’s be friends” nonsense.
Honestly, you don’t want to get your old relationship back. You want your girlfriend back. But you want her in a new relationship; one free of all the junk that caused her to break up in the first place. One that allows you both to start over, rather than having to repeat the same old things that you have been fighting over for months and even years.
Soon, you will use some shortcut strategies to change your ex’s mind. It will happen fast, so be prepared. But this can only happen if you are willing to do the exact opposite of what you are doing now: break ties and move on. Cut the ties of your past relationship and don’t embarrass yourself by clinging to some silly promise of friendship.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend Never Works
There are many reasons why staying friends after breakup is bad, but first let’s take a look at what your girlfriend wants. Ready? Well:
- She wants the security of knowing that you’re still there, so it is easier to break up with you.
- She wants that security because ratifies his decision to break up with you.
- He wants to see you upset and downcast, because makes her feel like she won when she broke up with you.
- She loves the attention of knowing that you still love her while she stay at a distance, safely broken with you.
Do you see a pattern yet? Well. Because most guys who go along with the “let’s be friends” nonsense after breakup don’t. They are so desperate to stay in their girlfriend’s life, even as something as silly as a “friend,” that they are willing to forget about the part where they practically destroy any chance of getting it back.
When you remain friends with your ex, you are comforting them. Security. Safety.
You’re giving him a shoulder to cry on. An ear to talk to, anytime you feel sad or lonely, to cheer you up.
Staying friends means that she can see you NOT hanging out with other people while you wait for her. And yes, she totally knows that you’re still waiting for her.
Above all, by asking to be your ‘friend’, your girlfriend has filed you into that one place you will never want to be: the friend zone.
Now the problem is that you want her back. But you want her back so much that you’re willing to “do anything” to get her, which means you’ll be a good friend when she needs you.
What if you are already friends with your ex?
Have you already made the mistake of remaining friends with your ex-girlfriend? That is easy: leave her.
Yes, that’s right: ditch the friendship. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, just stop texting and stop calling and stop posting to their Facebook page.
And when she calls you? Stop taking those calls. Stop responding to her text messages, and when she starts with cute feelings like “Hey, did you drop off the face of the Earth?” make sure those texts are greeted with MORE silence.
The silence you feel should be deafening. Make SHE feel lonely. MAKE SHE wonder where you went. And after a few days of this? Respond with a single mysterious line: “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
It’s none of her business what you’ve been busy with, because guess what: she’s not your girlfriend. Think about it: if you were to question her about what you’ve been up to, you’d take it as trying to stalk your way back into a relationship with her again. Therefore, you receive the same treatment.
There are many different ways to attract your girlfriend back, but the most important thing is to have a step-by-step plan first. Don’t act without knowing exactly how to handle your ex’s most common responses and without knowing exactly what to say and do.