When a narcissist chooses a marriage partner, he ensures that this person adoringly follows his example in all aspects of his life. The narcissist expects to be perfectly reflected — to receive from his partner: absolute loyalty, flattery, fulfillment, selfless service. There is an unspoken understanding that the narcissist will never admit mistakes, nor should his faults and failures be pointed out, not even in the most vague terms. Narcissists often choose marital partners who have borderline personality disorder. These individuals are emotionally dependent and have a fragile sense of themselves as valuable individuals. The narcissist is the teacher; the limit, the servant. That is the arrangement. The couple will be constantly cheated on and lied to. The narcissist has the threat over his head from his borderline spouse that he or she may be hastily eliminated.

The individual with borderline personality disorder lives in perpetual fear of abandonment and psychological annihilation. Borderlines merge psychologically with others, often to the point where they are emotionally unable to distinguish between their identity and that of their partner. This serious psychological handicap is described as a question of boundaries. Psychological limits are necessary for each person to have a firm sense of who they are and to distinguish and respect the individuality of the other. The limit has not reached this stage of development, often due to childhood trauma. Its growth was stopped. Inside, he feels like a very young child, hanging up desperately, begging his parents to pay attention to him, to promise that they will never hurt or abandon him again. The borderline suffers from a fragile sense of self and feelings of worthlessness. They are emotionally dependent on others and have poor impulse control. Some of these people go through periods of delusional thinking and paranoia, suffer psychotic breakdowns, and end up in mental hospitals. Higher-level borders work quite well in the world despite their psychological dependencies and unconscious feelings of worthlessness and instability. Unlike the narcissist, the borderline is capable of feeling deeply for others and can be very empathetic.

This is a marriage made in Hades. The borderline accesses the demanding, perfectionist and self-titled narcissist. Under the yoke of his psychological burden, the borderline despises his spouse in the way that he unconsciously hated his parents as a child. You repeat this pattern in adulthood, hoping to get the love and respect you deserved so long ago. The limit has come to the wrong place. You will not be accepted or loved for yourself here. It will be exploited. Many borderline spouses stay with their abusive narcissistic partners because they are in a lot of psychological pain, suffer from low self-esteem, and are used to being treated abusively. The cruelty of this marriage arrangement mimics the familiar painful psychological patterns of childhood. The cycle continues until the narcissist decides to discard his current spouse for an updated, more attractive and compatible model. The exhausted spouse is expelled to fend for himself. The narcissist moves on to his next big thrill with no memories or regrets. For him, it is a relief: a flick of the face with one hand.