A boy who says he is gay is equivalent to a teenage daughter who says she is pregnant or has a son who says he has made a girl pregnant. The first reaction of parents is usually shock, but shock is not a problem. I remember the day I had to call my father to tell him that I wrecked his car. He drove to the scene of the accident, cursed me and left, that was a shock. After ten minutes he drove back to the scene, hugged me and said he was glad he didn’t hurt me too much, that was love. If you tell your parents that you are gay, they will be surprised, but that does not mean that they will reject you. This shock could end in minutes, hours, days, or even weeks, but eventually we get over it and move on.

The example above is not what I would like to discuss. Sometimes parents are surprised to hear that you are gay, and then the shock turns into disgust, anger, rejection, or even hatred. Unfortunately, research suggests that approximately 50% of parents of gay children reject them. That’s 50% in so-called more tolerant societies in places like Europe, America, Australia, and South Africa. That means that 50% of our gay children are being rejected by their own parents and some researchers suggest that half of them are banned from their own homes. That shows that this is not a matter to be taken lightly, it is a real problem. Society should help us in this unfair situation, but here I can only offer advice.

1. Nothing gives you more pain than being rejected by someone you love. All adults know what it feels like if a boyfriend or girlfriend breaks your heart, and yet nothing can compare to the pain of being rejected by your own mother, father, or both. Like other forms of rejection, this one also improves. Unfortunately, time is the only medicine for this pain and there is no way to shorten the time it will take.
2. What you need are friends who know how you feel, and the ones who have been through the same pain are the ones who really understand. Let them be your family instead of the family that should have supported you. Having a support group is one of the best ways to deal with any type of pain or trauma.
3. Just because your parents reject you does not mean that your entire family will reject you. You may be surprised by those who accept you; he is often the person he least expected to understand. I know many gay people who were supported by brothers, sisters, grandparents, cousins, or uncles instead of their parents. In some cases, these other family members were the ones who persuaded the parents that they were wrong. Somewhere in your family there will be at least one person who is not blinded by outdated ideas.
4. In most areas within the tolerant societies I mentioned earlier, there are gay community centers that can help you with information, support, programs, and the names of people who know what you’re going through. If there is no such center near you, there will always be Google. There are many websites available online that can help or advise you on support groups in your area. Obviously there are those who charge money for this service, but many of us do not.
5. Remember to adhere to safe online practices. Everyone who reaches out a helping hand is not necessarily interested in your well-being. There are as many predators in the gay world as there are in the heterosexual world. Be careful if you have the idea that the person is more interested in your body than your heart. Be especially careful if the helper you meet suggests that you go to conversion therapy. That is a type of therapy that will leave you shattered, but will not change who you are on the inside. Don’t take my word for it; read what licensed bodies of psychologists around the world have to say about it.
6. Do not write to your parents, family, or friends who rejected you. Over time, some of them will change your mind, and you don’t want to miss out on completely ignoring them. On the other hand, you don’t have to undergo permanent and continuous abuse. Keep your distance until you are strong enough to take that kind of abuse; believe me, there will come a time when you will just smile and shake your head.

Regardless of what other people may have to say, there are many churches, organizations, and groups that will respect you for who you are. Not all religious people are homophobic and not all straight people are narrow-minded. There are more than enough of them who really understand.