This familiar quote has haunted me throughout all my years as a coach and I suspect I am not alone. In case you’re reading this and have no idea where this quote came from, let me give you a little background. The saying “Winning isn’t everything…it’s the only thing” has been attributed for more than 45 years to the legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers football team, the man after whom the Super Bowl trophy is named; the great Vince Lombardi. News flash: he never said it; what he did say is “winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” The misquote comes from a Hollywood production starring John Wayne and Donna Reed, titled “Trouble Along the Way” (Warner Brothers 1953) which was filmed in black and white and was a story in which Wayne plays a coach and a single father with a daughter. at a private Catholic university and Donna Reed, a social worker concerned about the boy. In the movie, a game is being played while Donna Reed and the girl are in the stands watching a scene. The scene switches between shots of the Duke pacing the sideline calling out plays and cheering on his team, then to a couple of priests waving the school colors, and finally to Donna Reed and the girl who appears to be between 10 and 12 years old. old. Donna Reed is commenting to the girl that she hopes the kids will enjoy the game and give it their all or something, when the girl replies with the line… “well you know what parent (so-and-so) always says.. ..”Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” This line came from a Hollywood production from the mouth of a fictional 10 year old character. Somehow this line was attributed to Vince Lombardi (some say due to his religious affiliation with the Catholic Church) and spent the rest of his life until his last days trying to correct that mistake with sports commentators and writers.

I suspect, as do many others, that this kind of thinking, that winning is the only thing, has dominated the way many coaches and parents view sports competition, and when our children, our school team, or ourselves are not winning at all competitions. then there must be something wrong. Is it possible that something else is being gained that at the moment neither I as a father nor I as a coach can grasp in my moment of temporary setback? It is the notion of winning all the time that is so ingrained in our society that we do all sorts of things, including ignoring our higher sense of self to achieve it. Sometimes we are willing to do “whatever it takes” even if it means not doing the right thing. Confused yet? Of course they do because sadly, once we get rid of the “winning is everything” mentality, we are forced to look elsewhere for the true purpose of these competitions. Looking, the answer I have discovered is not in my head. It is truly at heart with a capital H, and I’ll get back to that in a minute.

If you consider winning and losing as a whole, the fact is that every time you step on a field, your chances are 50/50. This is a simple truth, the world as we perceive it is made up of a set of opposites, heat vs. cold, up vs. down, win vs. lose, etc. everything in creation is a world of duality. In fact, you can’t experience one without the other. Can you imagine living alone with the light of day? Just darkness? One complements the other. Without sadness, this is not joy. Without an opponent, we cannot play the game. So how do we operate then in this world of duality? Also, where do we put our attention to succeed rather than fail? Also, more specifically, how do we participate in competitive sports? The answer lies in our higher sense of self. There is a greater part of us that knows how to take all of this duality and see what is and what is not. We are much more than winners or losers in this game! We are, in fact, the creators of our own destinies. And depending on how we notice and observe the workings of our own thoughts and the feelings they create, we can see the good in both winners and losers. We can experience both the good and the bad of winning and losing, and not forget about ourselves. This is not a new concept, Eastern forms of competition have been teaching this for thousands of years; they even refer to their sports as “arts” as in martial arts. Whose objectives are not to annihilate or destroy the opponents but to honor, respect and love them. The realization is that without an opponent, the artist has no way to demonstrate the skills that he has mastered. Competition is based on both opponents giving their best, giving 100% and enjoying the opportunity to compete. It is not in winning or losing but in competing that the athlete/entertainer can demonstrate her level of mastery. Vince Lombardi’s correction of the famous misquote “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” It has a very subtle but powerful distinction of winning is the only thing. That distinction lies in the power of our attention and intention. Why participate in an activity unless you are doing it to the best of your ability? Our intention should always be to do everything we can to win or be successful, however, if on a given day we don’t have the result, we would prefer that we don’t take it personally. We do our best, we learn from our mistakes, and we just get better as we grow. I have a personal motto that goes like this: “Make it personal; don’t take it personal.” What I mean by that is I want to do the best I can, I want to personally do my business to give as much as I can, while at the same time remembering that whether I succeed or fail, it’s not a problem. real reflection of who I really am, it’s just the result of my best efforts at that time.

I can remember several times in my coaching career and my careers as a father when my son and I learned lessons during his days as a peewee flag football player. One season, he was drafted into a team that couldn’t win a game. He would complain on our trips home and at one point he told me that he didn’t want to play anymore. I understood his pain, having been there as a coach and a player, but I also knew that it would be valuable to continue and deliver on what he had promised to do. After much discussion and persuasion from me, he agreed to finish the season and just do his best no matter what the score was in any game. His team never won a single game in the regular season, but lo and behold, a small miracle happened. When it came time for the playoffs, his team was able to succeed in the two biggest games of the year. That’s right; they won the semi-final and the championship games. I took the opportunity to point out to my son that if he had quit, he would have missed out on being a champion. We also discussed how you never really know how things might turn out if he keeps his commitments and his word and just does his best.

Earlier I mentioned a Hollywood movie that produced a very dangerous and unrealistic concept. Hollywood has also produced some amazing and wonderful stories to inspire us as well. I recently saw “Friday Night Lights,” another football movie. This is the highly competitive game of Texas High School football. The best part was the scene in the locker room at halftime of the “big game” when coach Gary Gaines starts talking about “Being Perfect,” the team’s context for the season. He begins by telling the players to forget about what’s on the scoreboard, to forget about winning, and to get back on the field to do their best, to give everything for each other and to do it with love. in their hearts. , and a sense of joy from playing the game. He tells them how much he loves each of them and shows them what he hopes they have learned… If they play their best, and for all the right reasons, the final score is not his reward; the feeling they leave with will be. We are all searching, we find the answer in our Heart with a capital H. this actual answer. In the game of football or the game of life, if we play at our best, giving our best and loving what we do, there will only be winners and champions no matter what the score says. Playing the game for all the right reasons is key.

Finding and understanding the right reasons to compete was and is the biggest challenge I face on a daily basis, no matter the task. I live in this world of duality and by nature; I prefer only half of what constitutes my perception of reality. I just want to win, I just want happiness, etc. The problem is that the more I get attached to what I want, the more I get attached to its opposites as well. Reality is a double-edged sword. The answer to this puzzle is not to get attached, but to play the game from the heart and not from the head. You see, it is your head and your ego that see and experience duality and it is your head that creates the preferences based on all the information it has collected over a lifetime of living in this world of opposites. It is your head that will personally take profits and losses; your heart, on the other hand, will go along feeling the joy and love of simply playing the game. It’s love that gets you back in the game, over and over again, whether you’re winning or losing. In other words, love is not everything… it is the only thing. Winning is a happy byproduct.

A few years ago, when I was an assistant coach at the secondary level; I was listening to our head coach talk to the players at halftime of a varsity basketball game. He told them that to be winners they would have to work hard, play smart, have fun and do it together. I thought that was very good advice. And as I listened to him speak these ideas, I realized that before someone wanted to commit to all the hard work it takes to win, something else would also have to be present. The reason why we become true winners and champions in sports and in life is mainly that apart from committing ourselves to hard work, smart play, fun, etc. – we have to truly love what we are doing.

If we love what we’re doing, it’s much easier to work, bounce back from losses, and show up to play the game over and over again. It turns out that when you examine the mindset and heart of true champions (whether in sports or in life), what you see and hear from them is how much they love it. Whatever the “it” is for them. All great champions have this as a basis for participating in their chosen endeavors. All great people have learned to play the game from their heart and simply use their head as a compass, a tool to navigate their way to success. This is the most valuable lesson that sport and competition have taught me. This is the most valuable lesson we can teach our young athletes. “Winning isn’t everything, it’s loving what you do that means everything.”