How to protect teens from sexual abuse
When it comes to sexual abuse, protecting teens is complicated. Teens look to relationships outside of the family for friendship, security, and even advice. Additionally, they may feel confused or ashamed about their own developing sexuality, making communication difficult and making protecting them nearly impossible.
What can parents do?
be realistic
One of the first things a parent can do is be realistic. Contrary to what you may think abuse is common, statistics cite that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. Second, the victim knows most of the abusers (most studies suggest 80-90%). Finally, teens are learning about sex. Often your sources may not be the best places to learn sex education, these sources include your friends, pornography, or firsthand experiences.
Don’t put off discussions
By the time your child hits puberty, it may be too late, either the lines of communication have already closed or something has happened to them. It is her job to take the first steps in opening the lines of communication and talking with her son about her personal rights and personal boundaries in a way that is appropriate for her age.
Generally, by the time your child is four or five years old, they should fully understand that their body is their own and that no one should touch it where their bathing suit covers, and that they have the right to get out of a situation that makes them uncomfortable. They should also know that if someone tries to touch them or touches them, they should tell them. By the time your child is eight years old, he should be aware of the changes that will soon take place in her own bodies. By the age of 11 or 12, children should fully understand the consequences of sex and know what is appropriate and inappropriate in dating.
Build a strong support system
Studies show that incidences of high-risk adolescent behavior are lower in families where adolescents feel they are respected and supported as individuals. Before your child reaches adolescence, he should feel that he can talk to you about anything without worrying about being yelled at, ridiculed, embarrassed, or scared. Although some topics may be difficult to discuss, your child may not talk to you in the future if she gets emotional and overreacts. Talk to your child logically and respectfully and try to understand her needs as an individual. With this kind of support, hopefully your teen will feel comfortable talking with you about her concerns or coming to you for help.
educate yourself
The more you learn, the more you can help your child. Before any major discussion with your child, study the topic so that you can answer his questions and he can learn to depend on you for valid answers. If they come to you with a question and you respond by giving them a brochure, they may begin to think that you are not a good source of information. Handouts can be useful, but they must accompany real conversations.
Help your children define their personal rights
Believe it or not, many teens who get caught up in a “relationship” with an older adult (or even someone their own age who is an abuser) feel like it’s their fault. They don’t know what their personal rights are or what kind of behavior to expect from adults. Teach your children that it’s okay to say no and that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. Children often think they are supposed to “respect their elders” and “be nice,” so they go along with things that make them feel uncomfortable because they think they have to.
Teens need to understand that:
If you are in a relationship you should also understand that:
All states have different statutory laws. But basically, kids should only date other kids who are the same age as the kids at their school, not the ones who have graduated or are still in high school. Most states consider those 18 and older as adults with some age gap, for example, many teens turn 18 in their senior year of high school and may be dating a 17-year-old. Or a difference of about three years, if one is 17 and the other 14 (in states where 14 is over the age of consent) it’s not illegal if both parties consent. Generally, the age of consent is considered between 14 and 16 years, but never with an adult.
Help them develop their self-esteem
Self-esteem is often a key factor in adolescent risk behavior. Teens who don’t feel good about themselves or who disagree with their family may look to other adults for support. This type of behavior is extremely dangerous, this is exactly what abusers are looking for. They approach the teen and take advantage of her low self-esteem, give her gifts (perhaps liquor or drugs), further isolate her from the family, and try to become her “friend.” Additionally, teens who have no money are also often targeted and bribed with gifts or money.
To counteract this danger, you need to help your teen find something they can feel good about; it could be a hobby, a sport, a job or an art. If you are low-income, teach your child how to legitimately earn money without giving up her pride or self-esteem. Hobbies or work can help them keep their minds busy with positive progression, feel a sense of accomplishment, and value their individuality. Also, teach them how to take care of themselves and trust themselves for their own progress. So they can feel empowered to take action in their own lives and learn to live life instead of feeling like a victim of life. Give them responsibility and communicate how much you value their independence, their achievements, and their ability to be responsible.
If all else fails or it’s too late
Get help. Abuse is something that needs to be addressed and not overlooked. Criminals must be turned over so they can be monitored and counseled. The child should also seek counseling to help alleviate confusion, anger, and potential self-esteem issues. Never blame the child for the abuse, adolescents who have been with adults are considered non-consenting. Parents should also seek help to learn how to overcome their hurt and anger and find ways to help their children and family connections heal.
In short, it is important that your teen feel comfortable talking to you about sexual issues and must know their personal limits and have the self-esteem to express their rights. And if abuse has occurred, seek help and turn the person over, silence only protects the abuser.