Some of us get into relationships where we are destroying each other because we ignore the initial warning signs that the person we are attracted to is an emotional train wreck or time bomb.

Too often we get swept up in physical, mental, or sexual attraction only to end up heartbroken, angry, bitter, vindictive, or caught up in an emotional roller coaster.

These five warning signs will help you know early on if he/she is an emotional derailment or a time bomb:

1. Has shallow emotions: is too quick to share early in the relationship or says “I love you” or wants to get married or engaged to you. Usually, in less than a few weeks of dating you will hear that you are the love of his life, that he wants to be with you forever, and that he wants to marry you. You’ll be showered with instant attraction, endearing names, and overwhelmed with attention and promise. Remember the old saying “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is (too good to be true)”. Quick warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which then cause him to pull away from you just as quickly as he committed.

2. Cannot Handle Emotions: Easily emotionally overwhelmed and holds grudges, holds on to bitterness, cannot handle frustration, criticism, or rejection. On first dates you will often hear stories of what others do or did to you and how “evil” the world is, etc. But these stories quickly become what you are doing or not doing that is hurting him emotionally. The relationship becomes one of blaming, accusing, arguing, explaining, defending yourself, trying to convince him to feel differently about this or that, etc. You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells

3. Emotionless: Is not emotionally involved, is not emotionally expressive (for example, finds it difficult to get emotional about things), and is not sympathetic to other people’s pain. Coldly put, he/she is emotionally soft and cold. From the first date, he will play with your emotions: he is late, promises to call you but doesn’t, agrees to meet and “forgets” to call you to cancel, “forgets” things that are important to you, etc. Most of the time you feel unsure where she stands with regard to her feelings for you. He/she, when confronted, may admit that he/she doesn’t really have any feelings for you, and does so very coldly.

4. Prone to emotional outbursts (short fuse)- Explodes easily – yells or is rude to a waiter/waitress, customer service staff, other drivers and even complete strangers or does dangerous things like drive too fast because/she is angry , breaks/throws things, gets into fights, threatens others, etc. He/she is clearly letting her know that he/she has that skill and ability, and it could come her/his way. There will come a time when he/she will have no one to vent his/her temper on and you will be the easy and obvious target. And it’s not just men. Women may not necessarily be physical with their temper, but every sentence she says and the many lies she can make up are just as hurtful.

5. Uses emotions to manipulate – Creates situations where you become the center of attention – Everything is exaggerated and distorted to dramatic proportions. This playing the victim as being persecuted by others (“I am a very misunderstood person”); faking or exaggerating illness or causing or inviting injury (eg, shows up with bruises and cuts and expects you to feel bad for him/her and even deal with the injury), etc. You find yourself spending all of your time trying to make him/her feel good about himself/herself. The more attention you give him, the more schemes he comes up with. It’s like trying to fill a bottomless pit!

Take some words of wisdom from someone who’s been there: If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it.

If you are emotionally healthy yourself, your emotions are your sources of energy for making good decisions, reading and managing other people’s feelings effectively, optimizing your ability to have healthy relationships, enjoying work, and enjoying life.