Sometimes I hear of wives who could have been my past self. The reason for this is that they are separated and somewhat desperate to reconcile and save their marriages. I usually have a pretty good idea of ​​how they feel because I’ve been there. I know that when you’re apart, there’s little else on your mind, other than a reconciliation. He wants the reconciliation to happen today, or tomorrow at the latest. Unfortunately, our husbands don’t always feel the same way. In fact, they are usually the ones who wanted the separation in the first place, so they can be very evasive when you try to talk about a reconciliation. However, it can be hard to be hopeless when you start to make progress and feel like you’re connecting again. Understandably, the improvement process can make you anxious about starting to slowly move toward a reconciliation. But her husband may be angry with this idea. And some husbands even walk away from you a bit, because they don’t want to be rushed. This can make the wife feel a bit trapped. Because she loves her husband and she wants to reconcile, she might be willing to move with her. But she may worry about her sincerity.

She might say, “I’ve been separated for over three months. At first, I was almost certain I would get a divorce in the future. But over the last month, things have slowly started to improve. My husband has been coming over regularly for dinner with my son. After we put him to bed, we’ve been talking for hours. We’ve had some really good conversations. I started to feel a little bit hopeful that we could make up and finally got up the courage to ask my husband about this, he said that he’s not opposed to one day making up but insists it’s going to have to be a very gradual process because he’s not willing to commit to anything, he said we’re both still figuring things out I admit I was disappointed and I I was wondering if maybe I was just saying this to make me back off.My girlfriend said she would have her doubts too and I shouldn’t put my heart into it until I have an engagement.I’m torn. It’s not like my husband is asking me for anything. We’re not going to sleep together. So lying to me isn’t really for his benefit. At the same time, I don’t want my heart broken. Is that a terrible sign that you want to move slowly?

Why a gradual reconciliation can have advantages: I know why this hurts. You think he’s just trying to slow you down and hurt you and it’s scary to get your hopes up. However, I can tell you that even when my husband and I were doing great as a couple at the end of our separation, we both made a conscious decision to take it easy. It was very difficult for me. Because I wanted an immediate reconciliation. But I also knew that I didn’t want to fail and have to get divorced. I fully realized that our relationship was still fragile. I also knew that when I tried to pressure or rush my husband, he had a tendency to withdraw. So he didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable. She knew that he was probably going to have a chance in this reconciliation business and she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it.

What helped was that, like you, we were making progress. So when I got impatient, I would tell myself to contrast the weeks we spent not talking to the fact that we saw each other regularly, got along, and had fun. It just wasn’t worth the risk rushing him. I understand her fear that her husband is just trying to buy some time. But look at it this way: as long as you continue to progress, why would you want to prolong the separation? As long as each day is a little better than the last, hopefully both of you will be more optimistic about the future. Why would you want to turn your back on that?

I know that moving at a gradual pace requires more confidence. But, trust is a skill that will improve your marriage all the same. One positive aspect of gradual movement is that it allows you to make small adjustments along the way. You are not in a situation where it is all or nothing. When you hit a bump, you adjust. When things are going well, you might speed up a bit. But you have the flexibility to do so because no one is in a big rush and no one needs to move again when things feel rushed. When you reconcile gradually, there isn’t as much pressure when he moves back in because you’ve already run into a lot of the issues that might come up and have already fixed them. Therefore, your reconciliation has a much better chance of success. That’s why it’s important to keep an eye on the actual prize.